|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| goddamit these people are crazy! funnest/funniest shit ive been involved in all year. it was a football game. the set-up: kwai hk team vs. aussie team for the semi-final match, then goddam shaolin china dukin it out with jamaica for the trophy. im not jokin man, the china team was pullin like flyin kicks and crazy ass stunts like that on the field. it was nuts. and back to the main point: i discovered that hk ppl are even more ADD than I am. they get bored while watching the match and amuse themselves with: 1) the fans made a game out of throwin paper airplanes onto the field. it was hard to make a plane that would fly that far, so everytime one landed onto the field, we all clapped and cheered. we were happier that we got a goddam paper plane onto the field than anything that happened in game. so while the red and yellow jerseys were runnin around in the light rain chasin the soccer ball, we were re-enacting the battle of britain with planes droppin all over the fuckin place! i loved it. the feelin was probably better than the high you get from crack. 2) how everyone clapped and cheered when a player from the opposin team tripped up and landed on his ass. its pretty mean, actually. but not as mean as yellin diu at the jamaican goalie when he stayed on the grass while waitin for the medical team to come. 3) how the australian captain was lookin around and watchin his back while acceptin the 3rd place trophy after the aussie win over hk. 4) how the commentator (a retarded 50 year old man wearin horn-rimmed glasses, who everyone loves to hate cuz everything he says is so goddam useless.) says "IUUUUU, it went in!" it was basically diu minus the d sound. in front of like 10,000 people. during the goddam shoot out, after a jamaican player scores. how priceless is that goddamit? ah screw the numbered list, too goddam orderly to be talkin bout a football game in hk. let anarchy be the word of the day-- i love the guy behind me. the guy must be like 30 something old but he has one hell of a retarded sense of humour. some of his best lines, translated: "man, thats a remote controlled plane (talkin bout this paper plane lyin at half). hey, i got the remote! lemme try takin off." "you know what, why don't i try remote controllin the ball" "why you throw the plane off (talkin about a Jamaican player who threw a paper plane off the field before making his free throw). you want me to throw a gas drum down there, you bum? see how you pick that up!" "somebody just fuckin score, i wanna go home" "i'm going to call the goalie (the Jamaican team's goalie, who prior to this comment, made two crazy ass saves) he's my friend. im gonna tell that fucker to stop catchin the ball goddamit. and i wanna see where he hides his cell phone" "shoot the ball, dammit. fuck you. shoot the ball. fuck you. shoot. fuck you. shoot dammit. fuck you. shoot the damn ball." "kay, all this planes flyin around is gettin old. lets throw some people down there. no-- lets play a new game. lets go beat up the police." -- that line was so goddam funny man. dammit everyone of you should have been there. the thing is, hk ppl are supposed to be so gwai and law-abiding and theyd never say sth like "wai, da chai lo la" (hey, lets go beat on the police). goddamit, but when these guys get to the football stadium, they just go nuts and turn into a bunch of autistic baboons. its so gud man. i mean im like that most of the time, so its so great to be able to sit back and watch other people be stupid for a change. in fact i was so quiet yesterday! too busy watchin ppl be crazy and funny and on nine that i had no time to do the crazy shit i usually do. dammit i loved it. i was in some fucked up version of heaven. and this guy behind me, he deserves a medal for best retard of the day or something. I say i want some paper from him so i could make myself a plane right, and he gives me his gamblin rates card, all the paper he could find on the floor, tries to open his bag and give me his newspaper! goddamit, this guy deserves his own tv show. I was crackin up everytime this guy behind me was talkin it was amazin. so goddam funny. its so much funnier in chinese though... after the game, i got up and shook this guys hand man. the stuff this guy said was gold! everyone laughed, i mean, but they thought this guy was just some funny imbecile, actually there was a whole peanut, wow almost typed peanus, peanut gallery behind us. so a gang of imbeciles. but this guy is my hero man. i wanted his number so i could call him and force him to make me laugh when i feel like it. oh and even better: during the half time show these dancers came close to the stands and did a gig. this goddam fan goes down with his sticky stick sticks and starts emulating them! DAMMIT that was fuckin classic! he was capital-h hilarious, and the camera was panning over the dancers, but this fun cheung was so close to them that he was in almost all the shots too. so we got this dumbass on this huge 50 foot tv screen dancin like an idiot ape crossed with a jellyfish on ketamine. oh my goodness, it was an amazin performance. and all this rolled into one damn giant funfest of madness. can't wait till the next football match. I knew kieran wasnt lyin when he said the atmosphere would be great, but i didnt expect a freakin laugh riot. yeah it was pretty much a riot. goddam protest. in fact, goin to football games is probably the number one day job for protesters. i loved it. loved it. it was everythin im like, when im crazy, and ADD and "i-dont-wanna-play-the-piano",only, there were 10,000 ppl bein like that all at the goddam same time. in my opinion some of these spectators, like the guy sittin behind me, should be paid more than the players runnin around the field. next time i bring a video camera, and record all these crazy ass ppl try their best to make the hk stadium a zoo full of cracked-up animals. | | |
| a post i wrote while in canada. hope it doesnt give you a anger-over-wasted-moments-of-life-readin-too-much-crap-at-one-time-induced heart attack. actually that would be kinda funny.:
cant wait to get back to hk, cant wait to get home!
its really the people that makes this damn little island so gud guys. think about it! whats canada got?
its got a shit load of:
wheat
minerals
land
oil
but for ppl we got
a few sams, dicks and joes
and a vivian
and thats about it. what's hk got? a shit load of people. nice. and aside from the occasional pok gai that are one in about a million that give you a bad day, everyone in hk is pretty friendly. of course hk ppl can be kind of tricksy some times-- some of them are fun cheungs who think they can kwun dou ah ken pok gai hum ga tsan. think the sai gwai zai is easy to kwun eh? ken's not gonna be easy prey in 2007! and to you kai dais out there who kwun me, im comin for your ass when i figure out just who you guys are! it'll take me a lifetime.
but you guys have made it pretty crazy fun since the summer. over in canada, my friends are crazier and less scared of dyin, and will back me up if i want to go beat ppl with tsip dungs, but you guys in hk are pretty deep and gud talkers. so heres to the new year, and heres to you!
remember all
THE GOOD TIMES
explorin MK in the summer, in the 40 degree sun, with 2.5 billion people who had the same idea on that given day
on the balcony tryin to hunt birds with echo-location and the gardener with airsoft guns. the soil composition in the forest below the house should read like 10% - airsoft bbs
o camps! from gettin scared from all the LG2 ghost stories with MKSS, to the crazy ass pub nites with the suicide drinkin games, to CHOW GA and the freakin triad group we set up
the bbq at my uncles place and the idiot games we played outside at the lil park with the party hats on!
throwin mitch in the "lotus pond" like we were part of the gambino crew tossin a whacked guy into the river
hittin up the clubs, contemplating whether to punch the big bouncer with the agent smith wire in his ear or pay up for the "ladies drink" L=. i didnt help that the word "UPPERCUT" was flashing in my mind like a neon sign.
THE BAD TIMES
gettin chased by a damn ugly dog called marie, runnin in to the house, comin back out with a huge ass red umbrella to kill the damn thing, only to meet the gwai lo owner of that 4-legged shit. is it strange that i need an umbrella? there should be laws that limit the life span of mean + ugly + stupid + indiscriminately barkin + ugly dogs. like: if you have one of the above, minus 2 years, and keep going for every criteria in the list. if the dog meets every criteria, then you kill the mother dog. if the mother dog meets the criteria, then you wipe out the entire breed. i sound like hitler. damn. okay, im actually nice. but i dont like dogs that look and act like rabid hyenas. end of story.
not knowin how to read canto and still tryin to sing k by readin other's lips, then yellin durin all the english songs to compensate
pok gaiing 24 hours before on show for playzone, then watching the director own me in characterization as he fills my shoes and improvises
studyin for all the exams and quizzes and doin all the projects 10 minutes before due date, and...
gettin screwed over in all the exams and quizzes and projects.
THE OKAY TIMES
ownin all those kai dais who thought they had me in all the above during the presentations!
copyin homework from dear naty, then passin it off to get copied by 20 other people! then gettin the results back and findin out naty was wrong, and that 22 ppl got the same damn mark!! thanks natalie, owe you big!
THE FUNNY TIMES
watchin sally pok gai while walkin backwards up a slope and wavin "bye" to me
walkin with mitch to his class and watchin him while he gets lost and sayin, with a straight and sincere face, how the room got lost along with some heartfelt cantonese expletives
THE CRAZY ASS TIMES
jackin into the radio station like im an underequipped, untrained, semi-retarded, amateur, wannabe james bond
(tried to jack into club volar with the same trick but no cigar. but that aint the last time they see me)
jumpin this random jogger at 3 am who's wearin black and lookin suspicious, almost getting into something messy and physical right then and there, then havin a nice dinner at an indian restaurant with him two days later. (might go to taiwan with this guy in a couple of weeks!) the guys name, btw, is raf.
no more crazy ass stuff???! what's the world coming to? well, looks like im gonna have to work overtime this year in this category!
bring on the new year, new semester, new people! (no janny.) yeahyeah! cheers hey
| | |
| been readin my old entries and you know what, i like readin my own stuff! its funny man! its the same warm, fuzzy feelin the painter gets when he looks at his crap ass paintin and thinks that hes made a masterpiece. the painting looks like crap to everyone else, but thats okay! well its exactly like that, cuz the stuff i write, material you guys probably think i should get capital punishment and then some for doin, i really enjoy readin! as im readin the stuff, i go: i cant believe im capable of typin this stuff out. its amazing! i really like it. happy happy joy joy.
well in one of the entries i promised to post what i shared in church a few months back. well i read it again, and i think its boring so instead heres a story that i emailed back to my vancouver friends about me james bonding my way into a radio station a week after landin in hk this past summer. have a nice day
7/21/06
so um some people have been asking me to tell the full story of
the spot of fun i got into the other day. so i guess ill try my best
and write everything down before i get distracted. im sorry if its
choppy, but it should make some sense. print it out and go take a crap.
so it was wednesday, and i get a phone call while lying on the
couch watching "Anna in Kungfuland" (i learnt 50% of my cantonese from these kinds of movies) from one of the nurses at my uncles
clinic. they sorta act as my spies simply because i cant read chinese.
so they tell me that 2R (a cantopop group) is going to Whampoa for a
radio interview, which is the most ridiculous name for anyplace in the
world and would have turned me off immediately if i had not lived there
15 years ago. so i say to myself "what symmetry! i get to see 2R in the
place i grew up! this a sign from God!" so i book it out there with
poor boaz.
when we get there, it turns out that the radio station is in the
bottom of this building in the shape of a ship (i am not making this
up). i practically grew up in this ship plaza thing so i feel familiar
around it. so i go into a department store change room and get into a
t-shirt and sweater, which will be important later on, because as it
turns out, a shirt and zip up sweater is what all reporters wear. so
after some trouble with security who thought i had put on the stores
clothes, i went down to the radio station, which is on the bottom of
the ship. there i met this anal guard who said that if we werent
reporters we would have to wait outside. this wasnt the intel i had
received. i was told that we would get to see them inside. so i
resolved to get past the old man and into the studio. problem was there
was a set of glass doors that could only be opened from the inside. we
went outside to think. boaz didnt want to do it, being a fine christian
boy, so i told him to go see his cousin who lives in the area and i
went back down ready to do damage.
as i was going down the escalator, i was thinking of all sorts of
methods to jack in like beating up the guard, beating up the guard with
a stick, luring him with food, bribing him, driving a hijacked taxi
through the doors, but none of them seemed like they were going to
work. while i was thinking, however there was this rather rude guy who
ran past me down the escalator to the basement and the studio. i
followed him to see if i could pretend to be his silent friend to get
through the doors. but when we got down, the guard was on his lunch
break and the two glass doors were wide open, so i swallowed hard and
followed the guy in. in side theres this round desk the size of a small
swimming pool for reception. i avoided eye contact and followed the
reporter in. when he got to a small room, he dropped his bag and took
out his camera. i did the same and peeredinto the room.
inside was 2R and two other reporters taking pictures.
so i sidled up to them and started snapping away with
my camera (which wasnt what i wanted to do, what i wanted to do was to
talk to them, but the head reporter got to ask questions, and if i said
anything i thought id get found out cuz of my accent). then they had a small interview
and i filmed the entire thing. the feeling of elation was unfelt as i
was too busy being scared.
im getting tired of this email now but long story short, 2R went
into the studio, which i forgot to go into (which turns out to be a
blessing) to do the radio stuff. i got caught by the manager, who
thought i was the new guy, but then found out when i failed to produce
the proper credentials, got angry and called security. i
exploded (chinese: 爆胃) in english and they decided that it was better
just to force me to delete my pictures and kick me out. so i deleted 3
pictures and went out the doors fast, still speaking in english for
covering fire. then i saluted the guard who was amazed to see me coming
from inside and left. no i mean booked it.
so thats my long and unneccessary rambling story of that. there should be fun tomorrow.
my uncle called his lawyer the day i went to do this and he's
prepared to bail me out of jail. apparently i was "trespassing".
hopefully next time ill do something that involves some action and not
all this splinter cell stealth crap cuz in the words of triple X, "I
don't blend".
don't worry im still a nice christian boy and i read my bible everymorning which is probably why i have all these good ideas.
| | |
| YVR in ten, Pearson in twenty-three. this is gonna be one hell of a ride
exams/club.it.up/vancouver/toronto
| | |
| this is life huh! doesn't matter that we shanked our management presentation so bad that we were probably off the marking rubric, that i shanked everything academic under the sun at UST, and that i shanked my emotional health for a month while i was with this random girl who i gave too much to. it doesnt matter, cuz i still got shank-dollars in my wallet, and i can keep shankin things left and right!
no, i cant. i gots this 12-page account report that i need to finish in 2 and half hours! cant, um, frick that up, cuz i fricked up every else my accounting professor gave me, even the single-question quizzes. i cant even say his name right. dont know if its zhong yang or yang zhong cuz they both sound right. but here we, go, we down and out and its time to move from this position.
alright heres the plan. im going to study. what a concept! ken studyin, what's this world comin to. but its true. i've decided. i'm going to study 1 hour everyday. one hour. dammit. 60 minutes of precious ken-time put into books and numbers and shit. but it's a sacrifice i'm willing to take. it's a big sacrifice, when you think about it in the long run. its freaking 1/24 hours. and im only awake for bout 19 of those hours. so its 1/19. damn thats a lot of time.
i want to put a rainbow in a box and give it to someone. | | |
|
